It mattered when I was a baby and no one was allowed to hold me.
It mattered when I was tiny and fell down the stairs and my sister was punished for my clumsiness.
It mattered when age 5 I woke from a bad dream to be dragged into a cold shower until I stopped crying.
It mattered when age 6 she poisoned me to make me ill.
It mattered when she took me out of school for 2 years.
It mattered when they took my sister away and left me behind.
It mattered when she burned me for making a mistake while cooking.
It mattered when she poured nail polish remover over the cuts on my leg.
It mattered when he raped me and I had no where to turn.
It did matter, then, but it’s too late now.
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marrosmusings 
It *does* matter.
They chose to harm you for reasons only they know. One thing is that it was never your fault. A child never deserves to be harmed, and I’m sorry no-one stepped in to protect you from harm.
thinking of you.
x
Thank you 🙂
After taking a deep breath I gather my courage and say, “It is never too late.” Too late to change our past experiences, yes, but not too late to find a way to acknowledge their reality and the pain involved. And to learn to modify the way we think and feel as we review them. We are no longer the child; we may learn to be the parent that child so desperately needed, and still needs.
Thanks Ben, I really struggle with the concept of being a parent to myself though. I guess I am stuck feeling like I don’t deserve to be cared for, even by myself.
I have faith that as you persevere you will in the end win the struggle.
My heart aches reading this. Wish I could give you a real big hug. It DOES matter. You matter.
Thank you 🙂