Away

It’s been a while since I posted. The gap reflects an awful time that has now passed.

A new job, a better sense of myself and space to reflect are the reward.

It’s true that the wounds of the first 8 months of the year cut deep, deep enough to dig out the pain of many years ago. But now there is time to reflect, to see that I am a different person. One who can look after herself, who knows she doesn’t have to be a helpless victim. I can fight and I can win. I am no longer a helpless, isolated child. I am a resilient and tenacious woman who can muster resources and support. No longer alone.

From testing the water with long trusted friends and colleagues, I have progressed to talking to extended family. In doing so I am gaining a new understanding of what happened. Of how it was for others to witness, others who felt helpless to intervene. And while I am still angry that they didn’t help me I can accept the apology and the regret.

What I no longer have is doubt that it happened, the records spell it out and I have read it. It happened to me, not some ‘other’ child. Seeing it written down makes it real in a raw and deeply agonising way.

It was real. It was vile. And she has alot to answer for. But she did not win. I have a great job, fantastic friends and a wonderful family of choice. She has forfeited her right to her children and grandchildren by her actions.

It will take more time to process and it will hurt more than I can imagine, and I am afraid of that.

But I know that I will be OK – one day…….

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One thought on “Away

  1. I am relatively new to your site. May I ask what happened? I understand if you don’t wish to reveal this, since it is obvious you have been through a lot.
    Best wishes,
    j

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