It doesn’t matter

It mattered when I was a baby and no one was allowed to hold me.
It mattered when I was tiny and fell down the stairs and my sister was punished for my clumsiness.
It mattered when age 5 I woke from a bad dream to be dragged into a cold shower until I stopped crying.
It mattered when age 6 she poisoned me to make me ill.
It mattered when she took me out of school for 2 years.
It mattered when they took my sister away and left me behind.
It mattered when she burned me for making a mistake while cooking.
It mattered when she poured nail polish remover over the cuts on my leg.
It mattered when he raped me and I had no where to turn.
It did matter, then, but it’s too late now.

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7 thoughts on “It doesn’t matter

  1. brokenbutbeingrepaired says:

    It *does* matter.
    They chose to harm you for reasons only they know. One thing is that it was never your fault. A child never deserves to be harmed, and I’m sorry no-one stepped in to protect you from harm.

    thinking of you.

    x

  2. Ben Naga says:

    After taking a deep breath I gather my courage and say, “It is never too late.” Too late to change our past experiences, yes, but not too late to find a way to acknowledge their reality and the pain involved. And to learn to modify the way we think and feel as we review them. We are no longer the child; we may learn to be the parent that child so desperately needed, and still needs.

  3. My heart aches reading this. Wish I could give you a real big hug. It DOES matter. You matter.

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