And again

Every time without fail I fall for it and each time I know it will not be the last time.

A life built on sand will always fall apart, no matter how many times I try to rebuild.  It will happen again and again.

I am so closed and self protecting in some ways. In others I am too open – this I have read about, it’s common in those abused as kids.

Each time it hurts just as badly. But this time more so. I’ve opened up some of those closed and self protecting walls and the pain this time is so very much worse.

So now I face it again. For the first time clear that it is not my fault, the repeating pattern, though perhaps there is something I need to look at.

And I wonder – is there actually a way to fix the foundations to shore up the sand, to fill in the holes – because I do know that I can’t keep going through this.

I’ve had enough now.

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4 thoughts on “And again

  1. Ben Naga says:

    Wishing you strength in your time of need.

  2. Cat says:

    Sorry to read this is a tough time. Wishing you healing

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