Feelings, I don’t like them much but they are always there. My t asks me each time I see him, how I am and how I have been, I think up something to say but the truth is I rarely know how I feel and I never really remember how I have been.
I can’t remember my feelings, even if I notice them and oftentimes I don’t know what to call them if I do notice them. I never really realised how hard this was for me. I work in a world of feelings and emotions helping others to understand their feelings but inside I have a blindness born from the years of numbing, ignoring and and pushing my feelings aside…
I guess it’s possible that I grew up acutely sensitive to the feelings of another so I could try to keep myself safe without any awareness of my own feelings within that. It’s like I learned to read feelings only in terms of threat which has left me unable to really experience my own feelings let alone name them and understand them.
I wonder how I can move forward from this, how can I help myself to know how I feel and hold on to that experience?
To just once be able to give an honest answer to those questions would be something I guess…….