Feelings, feelings everywhere…..

Feelings, I don’t like them much but they are always there. My t asks me each time I see him, how I am and how I have been, I think up something to say but the truth is I rarely know how I feel and I never really remember how I have been.

I can’t remember my feelings, even if I notice them and oftentimes I don’t know what to call them if I do notice them. I never really realised how hard this was for me. I work in a world of feelings and emotions helping others to understand their feelings but inside I have a blindness born from the years of numbing, ignoring and and pushing my feelings aside…

I guess it’s possible that I grew up acutely sensitive to the feelings of another so I could try to keep myself safe without any awareness of my own feelings within that. It’s like I learned to read feelings only in terms of threat which has left me unable to really experience my own feelings let alone name them and understand them.

I wonder how I can move forward from this, how can I help myself to know how I feel and hold on to that experience?

To just once be able to give an honest answer to those questions would be something I guess…….

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7 thoughts on “Feelings, feelings everywhere…..

  1. plf1990 says:

    Have you ever tried using a feelings wheel?

    • marro says:

      Hi plf, I have, but the trouble is I can’t match the words to what they feel like 😦

      • plf1990 says:

        I’m really struggling with this ATM too. I also find that the feelings I ‘feel’, like fat, bad or naughty, apparently they have other names in the ‘normal’ world but I can’t connect them. I found the wheel helpful because I could usually just about identify with one word, even if only in the sense of ‘a normal person would be feeling this way’, and then I could sort of teach myself the name for the feeling.
        It is bloody difficult though. I work with children and we use ‘feelings cards’ – they have a picture of a face, then a description of how it feels inside, plus the name to the emotion. They might be quite useful?

  2. Ben Naga says:

    “I wonder how I can move forward from this, how can I help myself to know how I feel and hold on to that experience?”

    Are you able to experience your physical feelings? If so, then I think I can suggest a way forward.

    • marro says:

      Sometimes I can Ben, any suggestions welcomed 🙂

      • Ben Naga says:

        If you pursue regular sessions of mindfulness you will discover recurring physical sensations accompanied by certain specific emotions, thoughts and phrases. Give each a name or number, write them down, each with the physical sensations, words, phrases, colours etc.

        Than try to focus on major emotions such as Hope, Fear, Joy, Peace ….
        ( A picture/painting/photo that expresses each is helpful.) Try them out against your list of sensations/associations and look for matches.

  3. Feelings are so hard to deal with. Sometimes I wish that we did not have any. However, It is better to have both the wonderful with the awful than being numb.

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