Alone by choice?

It’s often said that our greatest strengths can be our biggest weaknesses  and that has seemed so true this week.

I am driven, I always have been, and now that drive is making it hard to properly take care of myself, my need to be OK and just keep going to manage on my own, I am running on empty, but I’m still running, is that good? It sounds like it is, but I’m not so sure any more.

My tendency to to over think things has come to the fore this last week, yes, it does make me a good strategist which is essential in my work life, but at the same time it is all pervasive and causes me to second guess everything, and if I fail to predict an outcome in any situation I will beat myself up, over and over and over again.

I cope, whatever the world throws at me, I cope, I always have, and so now my biggest challenge is to realise I don’t have to go through it alone, I’m surrounded by supportive people who want me to lean on them when I need to, so how is it that I let myself go through some very difficult times alone? Perhaps it’s easier to manage my feelings (and by manage I think I mean avoid) if I don’t share them, and my need to determine how people will react, that pesky over thinking again, means that at times I just can’t share because I can’t predict the possible reactions.

No one should have to go through this alone – except perhaps me.