This week has been interesting, I am busily renegotiation terms and boundaries in lots of different spheres. I’m not sure I’m getting it right yet, but at least I am trying to do something to help myself.
In some ways it’s liberating, in others it results in the guilt I have always felt kicking in and the voices in my head that seem to spend so much energy reminding me of all that is wrong with me.
But there is something else too, the result of a moment of panic and overwhelming anxiety, worrying about something I had said, which I felt really bad about, to those affected it was not seen in the same way and that got me wondering.
It may be possible that those things that I do/think/say/etc. that I believe to be bad/mean/wicked/wrong/etc. may, in fact, not be as bad/mean/wicked/wrong/etc. as I think they are. It’s possible.
If that is the case, and I’m not saying it is, after all the voices in my head have pointed out that those people may be lying, being kind etc. and what they said may not be true. But, if that is the case, then it is also possible that I may not be the terrible/awful/bad/etc. person that I think I am.
I’m not saying it is the case, just that it’s possible. Possible, that is all.