I find myself wondering how I even got out of bed this morning, it’s just too horrid, though actually I couldn’t say what exactly it is that is ‘too horrid’ at the moment. Feelings are messy things, I don’t trust them, they sneak up on you when you least expect it, and just at the moment I’m mired in a confusing mass of feelings that leave me feeling stupid and more like a crazy person that usual.
Thing is, I’m not stupid, but I am lost at the moment, I don’t know what is right, what is true and I just can’t get my head around wtf is going on.
I feel like I am being stalked by a horrible monster, but every time I turn around it hides, so I can’t see what it is. If I could just understand it I could deal with it, fix it, or make it go away, but it’s hidden from me, so I can’t be sure of anything….
I know it’s bad just now as I have that overwhelming urge to run away, to just disappear, become invisible, to be anonymous, to have nothing to do with anyone and to mean nothing to anyone.
I guess the song on the radio right now sums it up – you are of course, right Freddie – The Show Must Go On…….