It’s been an anxious few days – no particular reason but it’s been there.

Today the anxiousness has been milder but I am left with a deep sense of loneliness. I spent much of my childhood alone, it was safer that way, and I think this is an echo from the past. I have friends and my husband around so I am not alone but I often feel lonely.

At work as a senior manager it is frequently lonely and that is worse just now with all the challenges we, , like other companies, are facing. I read a blog about women in business this morning, that talked about the loneliness that many women feel so maybe it’s not just me.

At home, I see friends occasionally, they mostly live a long way away, so visits are planned and scheduled. My husband is around but I don’t see him that often, he is busy at work and with his hobbies. He is a quiet man, content with his own company, and that works for us most of the time. But today, while I am not alone, I feel a deep sense of loneliness.

In therapy we are still focussed on me being kinder to myself, my therapist is keen for me to see that this would be a good thing, though I am still fighting it. I get that being kind to oneself is important, but in my head that is for other people and I find myself frustrated that he doesn’t get it, that he doesn’t see that.

I have managed to avoid hurting myself for a couple of weeks now, even with the anxiety, I think about it, but I guess there is a part of me that knows it’s not a good strategy not in the long term anyway.

Maybe these feelings of anxiousness and today’s loneliness are here because I haven’t hurt myself to make them go away.

I don’t know, but I don’t feel like I am in a good place at the moment……..


4 thoughts on “Loneliness

  1. Wishing you better days ahead…..what if you let your husband know you’d like to spend some more time together now? Maybe that would help?

  2. Therapisttee says:

    Marro: I wanted to thank you for visiting my site and signing up to receive updates. I see that your blog is based on personal experience of sufferings, which I think is the best way to connect with others. So thank you. Anxiety is very difficult to deal with, especially when everything you have tried doesn’t seem to work. As a college and graduate student some years ago, I grappled with anxiety – nausea, shakiness, uncertainty. But I found, the older I got, that life and its stressors was the main cause. Once I figured this out, I began treating myself better through self-care. Using meditation, introspection, journaling, zumba, exercise, eating right, family-time, etc., I saw myself improve. While anxiety is different for everyone, I believe that you can take control of it once you find what combination of “treatments” work for you.

    I wish you all the best with your site.

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