It’s been a bad couple of weeks but I am feeling a bit less wobbly (less caught up in my anxiety/depression spiral) at the moment. It’s a relief as I was beginning to think that the wobbly feeling would never go away.
The last few weeks though we seem to have been fixed on the same thing in my therapy sessions. It’s not something I like thinking about and I’m not sure I really want to keep talking about it but it seems whatever I say comes back to this same issue.
I have tried not to let it come up but every session it’s there again. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me, or if my therapist is just on a mission to tackle this particular thing, because, honestly that’s what it feels like.
I guess it’s important but I just don’t want to talk about it any more. Though to be honest I don’t really ever want to talk about anything most of the time. Sometimes I wonder why I go to therapy at all, what good does it do to reherse the past and think about all the bad things, afterall nothing can change what happened.
Feeling down this evening, and bad because I refused to talk about something today and then all but told my therapist that I don’t trust him, well I was taliking more generally, but I guess he will have read ‘between the lines’ as it were.
And yes I guess it’s all bound up in my ‘avoidy’ attachment style that shuns closeness out of fear of rejection, etcetera, etcetera.
Whatever the reasons I just wish I could live alone on a remote island, right now it somehow feels like it would be safer…….