One year of blogging…..

I feel like I should write something profound, how blogging for a year has helped me, but the reality is today, like the last few days, is a bad day. A day where I feel wobbly inside, unsettled and anxious, leaving no real space for reflection.

I’ve been in therapy for over two years and I’m struggling to see what difference it has made, I guess without it I may have hurt myself badly, or resorted to medication, or slipped deeper into the depression that has always been with me, but at the moment I’m just confused, every week I have new memories, confirming that not only was it bad, but it was worse than that. And it lasted for so many years.

Now as I try to work it through, to manage my endless anxieties, most of which are simply unnecessary, many just plain ridiculous, I don’t know what is right anymore, things I thought for so long, things that I just know, those things are unclear now.

It’s deeply unsettling having to rethink the world, and I guess it will take a long time, it’s already taken so long to get to this point. I wonder if recovery is possible, and indeed what recovery might even look like.

So today, like the last few, is a bad day, the question is how many more bad days will there be?

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12 thoughts on “One year of blogging…..

  1. nocivum says:

    “It’s deeply unsettling having to rethink the world”
    ^this is beautiful

  2. untoldstory6 says:

    Unfortunately I think there will always be bad days, what I’m starting to learn is how I deal with those bad days is what’s important 🙂 p.s happy one year blogging, I wish we could send virtual cupcakes 😉

  3. mommaroars says:

    I completely relate. Some days I tell me husband “I am so OVER this, I just want to be done healing!”

  4. Red says:

    Happy blogging anniversary! I hope soon there are some good days for you.

  5. Cat says:

    I agree with the last comment. I guess the bad days do still often visit us. Maybe we learn to deal with them rather than completely overcome them.

    Happy-blog-birthday

  6. Congratulations on your blogging anniversary and I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I’m wishing you better days ahead………until there are way more good days than bad ones.

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