One year of blogging…..

I feel like I should write something profound, how blogging for a year has helped me, but the reality is today, like the last few days, is a bad day. A day where I feel wobbly inside, unsettled and anxious, leaving no real space for reflection.

I’ve been in therapy for over two years and I’m struggling to see what difference it has made, I guess without it I may have hurt myself badly, or resorted to medication, or slipped deeper into the depression that has always been with me, but at the moment I’m just confused, every week I have new memories, confirming that not only was it bad, but it was worse than that. And it lasted for so many years.

Now as I try to work it through, to manage my endless anxieties, most of which are simply unnecessary, many just plain ridiculous, I don’t know what is right anymore, things I thought for so long, things that I just know, those things are unclear now.

It’s deeply unsettling having to rethink the world, and I guess it will take a long time, it’s already taken so long to get to this point. I wonder if recovery is possible, and indeed what recovery might even look like.

So today, like the last few, is a bad day, the question is how many more bad days will there be?


12 thoughts on “One year of blogging…..

  1. nocivum says:

    “It’s deeply unsettling having to rethink the world”
    ^this is beautiful

  2. untoldstory6 says:

    Unfortunately I think there will always be bad days, what I’m starting to learn is how I deal with those bad days is what’s important 🙂 p.s happy one year blogging, I wish we could send virtual cupcakes 😉

  3. mommaroars says:

    I completely relate. Some days I tell me husband “I am so OVER this, I just want to be done healing!”

  4. Red says:

    Happy blogging anniversary! I hope soon there are some good days for you.

  5. Cat says:

    I agree with the last comment. I guess the bad days do still often visit us. Maybe we learn to deal with them rather than completely overcome them.


  6. Congratulations on your blogging anniversary and I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I’m wishing you better days ahead………until there are way more good days than bad ones.

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