Ups and downs

And the endless ups and downs continue, wobbly is an understatement right now. Anxiety abounds, almost to the point of panic, and I was doing so well. I guess the Festive period brings it out, with the regular routine gone, and lots of contact with those we only see occasionally. The usual ways of coping aren’t there during this time.

I am really trying not to be hard on myself, but then who am I kidding. I should be OK,  I should be able to manage and most importantly, I should be able to manage on my own. Yes the illogicality (I realise that is probably not a proper word) of that sentence is evident to me, yet somehow I believe it to be true.

And worse than that I find myself angry, angry at myself for reasons I cannot fathom, and angry at my therapist for his ever gentle stance which today feels weak and unhelpful. I need someone to agree with me that I should be fine on my own, and yet I’m not sure I even agree with myself today.

So I am left with these confusing, contradictory thoughts and the endless ups and downs of this depression………..

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