Something shifted this weekend, for the first time I felt a wave of tenderness for the child I was. Maybe the walls have finally crumbled away and I am now ready to face the reality, the brutal reality, of all that I missed, and all that was taken from me, all that has caused my depression.
Maybe I am ready to let myself heal. I don’t know, but I feel different, more calm and more centred. The fear and anxiety in my stomach – that has always been there has gone, maybe this only temporary, but it feels good to feel warm and safe, even if it only lasts for a while.
For the first time I can begin to think of my therapists office as a healing place. Whatever else It might have felt like in the past – and whatever it might feel like in the future, for right now I can conceive of it as a safe place, a place of potential, and a place to heal.
So for now, for this moment, I will reflect on the potential for healing, on the possibility of recovery, in this safe and warm refuge that is mine just for now.